coffeefan

coffeefan
  • Updated:September 2, 2015 1:36 am
  • Last visit:November 10, 2023 1:29 am
  • Member Since:March 27, 2009 11:13 pm
Wilmington, OH
Male
November 19
For fun I like hanging out at the local coffee house and spending time with my friends. I also enjoy reading and learning as much stuff as I can. My number one joy is spending time with my children.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
I'm disabled
It's hard to stay mad at someone that misses you while you are asleep. - Calvin and Hobbes
my feet
don't have time for role playing
 

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Personal

5'7"
207Lbs
brown
black
I wear what I like and just believe in dressing comfortably.
I am a Christian
English-Irish, Dutch-German, French-Canadian, and Portuguese-Arabic
middle of the road with a conservative lean
straight
divorced
I have two children a daughter and a son.
When the pain is real, but there are no words to express it. When home doesn't feel like home. When even those that are closest to you feel like they're distant memories. When life keeps slamming your head against the wall. When walking out the front door makes you want to crawl out of your skin. Seeing people from the past makes you want to scream. Not knowing who you are anymore. Missing an idea of something more than an actuality. Wondering at what point your life became the disappointment that it is. Knowing that deep down you have given up on everything and hating yourself for it. Realizing that death may actually be the best option. Longing for a cold hand to pull you from your reality. The shock your system needs will never come. Looking inside and seeing nothing but darkness. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing the face staring back. Dreaming of a place where you'll feel at peace. Knowing that place is only a dream. Wanting to like yourself more than you do, but not being able to find the reasons. Feeling unworthy of affection and friendships. Having to feel your flesh tear open to numb the emotions. Not understanding the pain if it's not physical. Wanting to cry, but tears never escape your eyes. Wanting to scream at the top of your lungs, because you don't feel heard. All while wanting to withdraw from everything, because you've been hurt and betrayed so many times you can no longer trust anyone. Feeling like every one is out to slight and harm you. Constantly feeling that your feelings are invalid and of no concern to others. Wondering at all times if you truly deserve to breathe, because life is for those that live it not those that hide away. Wishing that others could in some way understand half of what passed through your mind. Hating every little strange whim or idea that enters your mind. Obsessing over why you aren't "normal." Wishing that for just one day the psychological problems would leave you alone. Wanting to be loved, but fearing you never will be since you can never truly let anyone know the real you. These are just a few of the things that go through my head on a daily basis.
 

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J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis
 
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