theputer

Updated:March 15, 2013 6:23 am
Last visit:June 19, 2013 6:36 pm
Member Since:July 2, 2006 6:11 am

Locationgermany

GenderMale

Interestsinteresting people interest me

Astrological signLeo (Jul 23-Aug 22)

OccupationHealth stuff

Personal QuoteMe fail English? Unpossible!
Beauty is only skin deep - ugly goes to the bone.
Time is the best teacher, it just kills all of its students.
And finally: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
******
Family guy quotes:

Peter's devil: It's okay to lie to women, Peter. They're not people like us.

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur skeletons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Wilford Brimley: Hi. I'm Wilford Brimley and I have Diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and I took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?!

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
Guy - OH MY GOD!
Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You bastard!

Brian: You're drunk.
Stewie: You're sexy.

(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: We now return to the Smurfs...
(on television screen)
Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night?
Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular!
Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me.
Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up!
Smurf #2: Yeah!
Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot?
Smurf #2: Smurf-Yeah!
Smurf #1: Oh! That is freaking Smurf!

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Peter: Are you gonna eat that stapler?
TV Executive: You...can't eat a stapler.
Peter: Wanna split it?

Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.
Lois: Hehehe...that's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler.
Lois: Hehehehe...
Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.
Lois: Aha, ok I get it...
Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.
Lois: Alright, that's enough!

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Stewie: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Doctor: Contraband check. (Pulls out cookies.) What are these?
Cookie Monster: I don't know!
Doctor: What do you mean"you don't know"?
Cookie Monster: I-I-I-I don't know how they got there!
Doctor: Well I think you DO know!
Cookie Monster: NO NO NO UH DERICK, D-DERICK WAS IN HERE UH EARLIER HE WAS UH MAKING THE, MAKING THE BEDS, HE PROBABLY PUT THEM, UH, I-I WHAS IN THE JOHN, (eats cookies, guards hold him down and give him an injection) AHH AHH AHH! YOU-YOU GUYS ARE NAZIS MAN! YOU'RE FREAKIN' NAZIS!
Guard: Shhh! Shhh! Shhh!

Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny....
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.

Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal...................... You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.

My RideHonda Insight

RPG CharacterI don't have a specific RPG character, but I always name my characters "Alias"

My Friends

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Personal

Height5-9

Weight170 lbs

Eye Colorbrown

Hair Colorblack

Fashion StatementI'm too lazy to worry about that!

ReligionI will pray if I need something, sure.

EthnicitySpicy. Think spicy.

Political StancePro military, anti war.

Sexual Orientationstraight

Relationship Statussingle

Childrenas one of my friends used to say, no hiphuggers and ankle biters for me. yet.

Personal AdHere chicky chicky...

Favorites

Web Sites Bloglines, Netvibes, Anime Database

Authorsroger zelany, terry brooks, tolkein, asimov, piers anthony

Booksxanth series, incarnation series, wheel of time series, HHGTTG, Of mice and men, flowers for algernon, where the red ferm lies, narnia series, a wrinkle in time, hobbit, amber series

Magazinestime, newsweek, maxim, pc world, gamesdomain

Newspapersthe onion

Comic Stripsbloom county, non sequitor, Calvin and Hobbes, ghost rider, superman

Moviesroad trip, matrix, harold and kumar go to white castle, super troopers, crank, alien movies, devils rejects, space balls

TV Showsfamily guy, heroes, dead zone, futurama, dark angel, 4400, alias, lost

Actorsgeorge clooney, steve bushemi, owen wilson, chris rock, will smith, bruce willis, nicholas cage, diane lane, kate blanchet

Type of Musiceverything, techno, hiphop, classic rock

Bands/Artistsbeastie boys, benny benassi, sublime, limp bizkit, peaches, prodigy, ludacris, chemical brothers, weird al, rammstein, korn, fatboy slim

Sportstable tennis, basketball, hockey

Teamsdevils

Vacation SpotsOC, hawaii

Foodtaco bell, mexican, indian, chinese, japanese, eggplant parm